Multiple Sclerosis and Avoiding Isolation

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Here are some factors that lead me to my own MS isolation: I have a dread of being out somewhere with no bathroom in sight. I have a trick bladder and bowel, with fluctuating functionings. During remission they are somewhat stable, but not 100% reliable. I’ve had some public close calls, and I’m tired of explaining to unknowing people that I’ve got to go to the bathroom right NOW. I also have some instability with my left leg. During remission I can navigate without a cane, but I am petrified of tripping and falling. I have taken several spills in the past few years, one time seriously banging my elbow on my parents’ concrete porch as I tripped up the small step. I get nervous in new situations where there are a lot of steps or uneven terrain. Finally, if I am having MS lethargy, I want nothing more than to avoid people who might think I just have the flu or a “bug.” I get tired of well-meaning folks asking if I’m okay.

These above-mentioned physical impairments can cause me to hibernate in the house. Luckily, if I can muster up the chutzpah to try new things and go to uncharted places, I’m usually rewarded with new energy, good memories, and new esteem.

Here are some ideas for broadening your MS world and widening your community circle. There are ideas for all levels of ability:

Try an MS organization’s activities

If you are within a reasonable distance of an MS organizational chapter (wherever you live in the world), investigate planned activities with other MSers. Check out local events online or in current newsletters. If you are physically able, try to volunteer for a fundraiser, where you will meet other people with multiple sclerosis who want to help the cause. The great thing about MS societies is that no one questions your level of ability. There is no need for explanation.

Speak with a counselor about coping techniques

Oddly, many people with MS avoid contact with the outside world, but they don’t realize they can seek help for their fears. There are various types of counselors who work with people with chronic conditions. They can help people with multiple sclerosis come to terms with their fears and help them to venture out and free themselves from the self-destructive nature of isolation.

Find an MS support group

If you are not geographically near an MS organizational chapter, you might want to investigate local multiple sclerosis support groups. They can be found online by doing Google or other search engine queries, or you can find them through local hospitals or rehabilitation centers. These are great resources for MSers because trained social workers can provide plenty of information. Often the hospitals themselves have ongoing meetings.

Find support, camaraderie, and information online

Despite your physical condition, you can find lots of support online. There are message boards, websites, blogs, chat rooms, and other ways to keep connected with others. A good source for message boards and chats is MSWorld.org. Another recent discovery (learned through a fellow MSer) is the website MS Friends, where there is a 24-hour peer support line for immediate need. There are also resources and current MS news items. A fairly new MS chat room, hosted by a great blogger and neighbor (from Delaware) can be found at Joan’s blog “A Short in the Cord.” She welcomes all new chatters from anywhere around the globe. And she’s extremely nice! Last but not least, check out the MS Carnival of Bloggers for many many links to bloggers who understand. If you start your own blog, you can submit a blog post to this bi-weekly consortium of MSers. Just contact Lisa, the ringmaster. There are also several blogs that I personally read, listed to the right in the “Blogroll.”

Give credit where credit is due

Venturing out and facing the unknown or making contact with others in the same situation can be frightening. Pat yourself on the back for taking the first step.

8 comments

  • Thanks for this important info and encouragement. I think it is important to get out and not wallow. I struggle the most with my own head and/or depression when I am alone with work to do. I like to be alone but not in that environment because it just reminds me of what MS has taken from me. Even at work when I am dealing with others I usually feel better before too long.

  • Jen

    I have the best feelings when I have a regular schedule to look forward to. Volunteer/ paid— doesn’t much matter, as long as I feel that I have a purpose and that it is of my chosing and not because of the MS. I guess that’s why it’s so hard during relapses, when I have to wait and recover, which is not my decision. But even at home, I feel connected to the MS community with message boards and blogs.

  • Hi Jen,

    I saw you on Lisa’s blog, “Brass and Ivory.” This is a great post and very encouraging. It would be wonderful for newly diagnosed people to read.

    I have the same problem with wanting to just stay at home, especially if I’m having MS trouble. I’m constantly telling people that I’m fine or if I admit that I’m having some coordination problems or lethargy, I qualify it with “but it’s not bad, I’m fine,” even if it’s not true. I’m just tired of others saying “oh that happens to me, too” or they’re uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say. So, I just withdraw from people, then depression sets in. I’m trying to catch myself and not do that, but it’s a battle.

  • Jen

    Hi Kell–

    Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I get sick of explaining myself or qualifying everything I say so people don’t worry too much. I’m trapped between wanting people to fully understand and not wanting them to know too much because then I get the uncomfortable looks or remarks. Or people trying to “over-help” me. What’s a happy medium? Wish I knew!

    I’m gearing this website towards newbies, so I’m flattered that you think it would appeal to them. Hopefully people will eventually find this place through the search engines and maybe through word-of-mouth. Thank goodness for “archives!”

    I’m going to check out your blog shortly.

    Jen

  • Aw shucks! Thanks for the nice words and the very good advice!

  • Jen

    Much welcome!

  • These are certainly good tips. I was thinking of joining a local support group but I am almost afraid. I guess I fear that there will be folk who might resent the fact that I am not that bad off right now. You know what I mean?

  • Jen

    Yes. I haven’t been to a support group yet. I’ve been to MS Society chapter activities, like fundraisers, and everyone was really nice and friendly. I haven’t gotten to the point of feeling comfortable at a support meeting, though. I don’t really like talking about my MS in such a setting. I prefer talking online, I think. Hence this site!

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