Author Archives: Jen

Foul Weather Mood

Google ImagesIt’s hot and muggy and I’m sick of the air conditioning. So during the day I sometimes open up and leave it off, but I eventually feel wilted and cranky, byproducts of the MS, so in the evening it usually goes back on. Sometimes I gauge my cat’s behavior on whether the air needs to go on: If he’s lying completely stretched out and long on his back and his eyes look glazed, it’s probably time for some cool air.

On this topic, I have to admit that I’m a somewhat moody person. Just like the weather, there are days when I feel sunny and temperate, brisk and aloof, cold and not open to conversation, misty and sad, and hot and volatile. Doesn’t everyone? I like to think that I’m not the only moody person out there, and I do have a way of reigning it in when situations call for it. I think over the years I have learned to better control my emotions when I need to—- something challenging for fiery Aries people who pretty much wear their thoughts and emotions on their sleeves. Nevertheless, I try to make a conscious effort to keep calm and not overreact.

Yesterday was definitely a foul weather day and I know that I lashed out with immediate anger towards a loved one (you know who you are…..) But in my defense, I do keep the dramatics to a minimum, and sometimes people with chronic illness need to just vent and be heard. No replies necessary. And I in turn need to realize that others often also have a lot on their plates (medical, financial, and such) and learn to respond with a little less ZEAL? Is that the correct word?…………Let’s meet in the middle.

First Day Back Out

Today I started volunteering again at the library. I will usually go in on Fridays, but the coordinator will be out this Friday, so today was the day. The volunteer coordinator told me about a new program I will be working on: to bring reading opportunities to kids who are waiting for foster care placement. There are 2 social service agencies in the area, and books will be brought to the facilities for the kids to choose from and take to their foster homes. They can choose 3 books and they also get bookmarks and small backpacks. There is a mascot who will also visit and talk with the kids. But first the books need to be processed.

My job today was to enter the titles, authors, and age groups for the books into the database. The coordinator showed me the many boxes of books waiting to be processed. I got 2 boxes done, then I strolled around the library as I waited for the rain to stop. So I now have a good, useful feeling and I anticipate going back.

“This Has to Be Multiple Sclerosis!”

Double Vision, Google ImagesI’ve just finished my pulled pork sandwich, an unexpected offering and leftover from our 4th of July gathering. Gulped some water and I am now ready to plunge into the meat (no pun) of my MS diagnosis story:

So from 1998-2005, my multiple sclerosis was a big mystery which eventually became dubbed “probable MS.” I had oligoclonal bands present in both of my spinal taps, I was positive for no other similar conditions or diseases, I had more than two nerve scars apparent on my MRIs (“multiple sclerosis”), and I had various telltale symptoms of the disease: intermittent weakness/numbness in my left leg and my right hand and forearm, “trick” bladder and bowel systems, muscle spasms in my left leg, some developing numbness and tingling in my torso, and balance issues with my left leg (I sometimes crashed into stuff on my left side.)

Shortly after we purchased our first home (spring of 2005), I was making a right turn out of our new neighborhood to get onto the main road. I glanced to my left and saw double. Not terrible, nauseating double vision, but just a slight doubling of everything towards my left-hand side. I rubbed my eyes because it was spring allergy time and I thought maybe I had a “misty” left eye. Not so.

I just remember going home and telling my husband about it, and I said aloud, “This has something to do with MS. It has to. It’s another freaky symptom.” I was very nervous and I called my parents first and told them what was going on. Then I called my primary neurologist’s office and at first they said I couldn’t get an appointment for 2 weeks. I lost it and yelled,” I have double $%&*!?# vision! Would you wait 2 weeks to see your doctor?!” So they got me in the next day.

My neurologist concurred that this was likely from multiple sclerosis. He again sent me for MRIs and had me schedule with an eye doctor. He also sent me to the emergency room to make sure the problem wasn’t something “acute”, which is code for a stroke or a brain tumor. I would have a CT scan, which is good at detecting such problems, but an MRI is more sensitive to the fine workings of the brain and spinal cord nerves and the scarring that happens during an MS attack.

On the way to the ER, Bill and I stopped to get some pizza because we knew how long an average ER visit lasted. The day was particularly hot, and I remember that my vision got so bad it completely doubled so that just looking straight ahead caused double vision, and only looking to the right stopped the problem. It is the understatement of the year to say that I was scared.

So my CT scan of course came back negative, and my MRIs showed a new, active lesion on my brain stem. I next headed to my mom’s eye doctor. He tested me, but could detect no immediate problems, but he admitted that he was a generalist. So he sent me to a specialist: a neuro-opthamologist. This is where I finally heard the words,” You definitely have multiple sclerosis.” This woman could see the damage to my 6th nerve going to my left eye (termed 6th nerve palsy.) She said this happens pretty much only to MS patients and diabetics. I definitely was not diabetic.

At this point my general neurologist sent me back to one of the specialists I had already seen. His team concurred with the MS diagnosis and asked if I would like to be in a clinical trial for two different MS medications. I would get more care and be closely monitored over a 2 year period. Sounded good to my mother and me.

I was not given any steroids at this point and had to wait out the double vision for its duration: 7 weeks. At this time I did not know that I could have had the steroid therapy and shortened the attack. I followed what the MS specialists said and started the study, taking Betaseron injections every other day. My best comments about this study are that I have taken Betaseron for 3 years, it works well for me, and it has probably contributed to a recent 2 year period of being relapse-free. My worst comments will come forth as more of the story unfolds.

Happy July 4th!

We’re going to see my brother, his wife, and their 3-year-old today, along with my parents. Those guys live west of us, and since we’re near the shore, we can avoid all the tourists coming east to go to the beach. Although I think we’re in for some showers and maybe thunderstorms later on. Well, I’m bringing my swimsuit anyway, because my nephew loves the pool at their development. We’ll see how the weather goes.

Hopefully you, too, will enjoy your day with loved ones and cast your worries aside. Catch some fireworks and do the silly “oooh” and “ahhhh” thing. I’m most looking forward to playing hide-and-seek with my nephew. And eating hamburgers and potato salad.

The MS Specialists Who Couldn’t Diagnose Me

Microsoft.comBetween the years of 2001-2004, I was poked, prodded, MRI’ed every 6 months, spinal tapped another time (to make sure no Lyme disease bacteria were still present in my spinal fluid), drawn blood from so many times I can’t even count (!), and seen by two MS specialists and one rheumatologist. My husband and I actually liked the rheumatologist the best and almost hoped that the problem stemmed from his area of expertise. Seriously, the MS specialists were okay, but not at all definitive. They kept saying “probable multiple sclerosis”, but would not commit to the disease, since I had only a few lesions/scars on my spinal cord nerves. It was everyone’s theory to “wait and see” what would happen next (a scary prospect from the MS patient’s perspective.)

In the meantime, I was having very bad headaches that came out of nowhere (I was never one to suffer from them unless I was sick with the flu or such.) They seemed to start and then escalate when I was out in the sun. Authorities on MS will say that headaches have nothing to do with the disease, but I have read so many message board posts that indicate the opposite. On more than one occasion Bill took me to the ER, just to get a strong painkiller for a headache that wouldn’t go away. Demerol, given as a shot in the butt, worked great. Incidentally, the headaches tapered off and never returned after about a year, much like some of my other MS symptoms. Go figure….

Another odd thing I developed was something like restless leg syndrome. It happened the first time after coming back from a family trip to the Outer Banks (2004.) Bill and I were sitting on the couch and my left leg just jerked out, like I had just had a reflex test. Of course it was late spring again, my time for relapses. This left leg spasticity would usually happen at night, before bedtime, and then in bed as I was falling asleep, or trying to. Very annoying. It continued on and off for the next year, then disappeared for a while.

During this period of time, I also gradually noticed that I had to go to the bathroom more frequently. Not because I was drinking or eating more, but because I felt more of an urgency. Sometimes I felt like I would burst (particularly my bladder) if I didn’t get to a bathroom. Then I would go and be surprised that I didn’t have a full bladder, just the urgency like I did. Strange. I later learned that these bladder and bowel issues are some of the most common MS symptoms, especially for someone who has damage along the spinal cord nerves. But still no definite diagnosis from the “specialists.” My general neurologist followed their lead.

In 2004 I had to stop working as an ultrasound tech. I tried per diem at two other places, but I could not keep up with the work load and found myself shooting my mouth off about the ridiculous pace. True, the demands were ridiculous and I can find at least 5 or 6 techs that will back me up on this, but to be fair, it is the nature of the job, and it was time for me to say goodbye. This is when I turned to the library, and I started volunteering.

Getting a definite MS diagnosis would finally happen in 2005, after an undeniably “MS-induced” attack. It led to participation in a clinical trial for Betaseron v. Copaxone, 2 multiple sclerosis medications. But real help and understanding by a true MS specialist (my current, dear doctor) would not happen until a bit later….

Getting Back Out with MS

Enjoying the Library, Microsoft.comOkay, I’ve been taking it easy and recuperating now for almost 2 months. Stopped working (again) the beginning of May, and now tomorrow is already July 1st. Did the steroid treatment the very beginning of June for almost 2 weeks (3 days of solumedrol IV, then 10 days of prednisone taper-down.) I am going stir-crazy! I’ve been out of the house, of course, but I miss the part-time schedule I had at the library. The hours were perfect for me: 1-5pm, 4 days a week (including Saturdays, but I was so happy to be working outside of the home I hardly cared.) Problem was, the work was completely inappropriate for someone with multiple sclerosis.

When I get into remission, and it’s going very well, I tend to overestimate my energy reserves. I am someone who used to run track in high school, and walk long distances in my twenties with my girlfriends to keep in shape. So when I am feeling up, up, up, I have a tendency to overdo it. Like at the library. I was reshelving books, mostly in the children’s section. Bending, stretching, kneeling, pushing carts. And did I mention the heat? The library, being a government building, doesn’t have the best air conditioning system. Not to mention that almost 3 entire sides of the building are made up of glass windows, for aesthetical puposes. “Green house.” Ugh. So even thought the intention was good, I was in the right field, wrong position.

I am happy to say that I’m getting back out to the library system in July. The volunteer coordinator for all of the 20+ county branches will have me help her, voluntarily, enter the “mountain of data” she has into the computer system to maintain the volunteer programs. I will be volunteering 2 hours on Fridays, just to get my bearings. I need to see what level of physical abilities I have for the outside world. My plan is to maybe up this schedule gradually when the summer is over, and maintain this for a year so I can truly know what sort of part-time work I can physically handle. It may be that this volunteer work will be my “outside” career, but if it’s meaningful, that’s fine. I have a few irons in the fire with my freelance writing, a women’s health website that I’ve built up in the past 2 years, and I can literally write in my sleep (really—– the beginning of this blog was written at the tail end of complete steroid insomnia/delirium.)

Anyway, I’m content to go with the flow and see what happens with this volunteer opportunity. And ever so grateful that someone found a need to be filled and took a chance on me, again.

PS: Look for a new post about going to the MS specialists before my actual diagnosis (flashback to 2001-2004.) What a roller coaster ride that was….

Exercise Classes for People with Multiple Sclerosis

I’m pretty excited about a local work-out place that has yoga classes for people with MS. I found out about it from my monthly Nat’l MS Society magazine (local chapter.) If you belong to the society, your local chapter might have such listings in their monthly magazine. Also listed are aquatics sessions (assisted and open swims) at local YMCAs, and some exercise programs for those with less mobility. I’m not 100% sold on going to this yoga group, though, because there is a closer program 5 minutes down the road, and they have a seniors’ group…Now don’t laugh, because I joined a free senior tai chi class at the library in the winter, and it was a lot of fun. There was little pressure to be “talented”, and a lot of encouragement from everyone.

My target date is July, since I am coming out of my recent relapse (thanks again to my love/hate relationship with steroids), and I need to get “back out there.”

Getting Proper Medical Attention for an MS Attack

The Brain, Morguefile.comIn the summer of 2001, I was working full-time as an ultrasound technologist. I was also doing a “stat” call at a physical rehab hospital afterhours, to check seniors for blood clots in their legs (one of the side-effects of being laid-up with a new hip or knee replacement.)

The work was very tiring, even for people without multiple sclerosis. A lot of the techs would vent in the break area about how patients were always getting “squeezed” in. I absolutely hated that too, and found myself liking the health field more in theory than in practice. Patients were constantly being sent over “stat” because the business was new and of course, the doctors/owners wanted the money! About 25% of the cases that were added on needed immediate attention. I was so weary leaving there sometimes, and then every third week I might have to bolt over to the rehab hospital to do those cases. The money was very good, but for me, it was not worth my energy, which was dwindling fast.

In July of that summer I had another attack, this time affecting my right hand. It felt tingly, numb, and weak, just like my left leg had been the summer before. I had trouble combing my hair, brushing my teeth, and writing. I could barely freaking write! The left leg problems came back at the same time.

Now that I was working in a medical office, I told one of the techs and one of the radiologists. The tech said maybe I had a pinched nerve from scanning the patients. The radiologist immediately said, “Maybe you have multiple sclerosis.” She wanted to do an MRI pronto, but I promised I would get to a neurologist.

And I did. And he, being a general neurologist, wanted to do every test under the sun to figure out what was going on. I told him about the Lyme disease and treatment, so that made the situation a bit confusing. Basically he sent me for bloodwork to check for chronic Lyme disease, lupus, thyroid problems (yes, they can cause tingling in the limbs), blood sugar levels, and other things. The bloodwork came back negative for everything he checked for.

Next came the MRIs. Brain and C-spine (the top part of the spinal cord that attaches to the brain.) These came back with several (not a ton) of “lesions or scars” along the spinal cord indicative of multiple sclerosis. So it seemed a positive case for MS, given the symptoms and the MRIs, but to be more certain, the neurologist sent me for a lumbar puncture, or spinal tap. Yuck. But the hospital staff was kind and I have to say that in my experience, the most compassionate nurses have been male. Anyway, this blog entry is becoming a book, so…..the spinal tap came back positive for oligoclonal bands, something that is present in up to 90% of MS patients’ spinal fluid, but uncommon in anyone else’s. Strike three.

So this neurologist told me I had “probable MS”, and said the next step was to send me to an MS specialist. That is another story…….

Walk or Bike for Multiple Sclerosis

Walk or Bike, StockXchng.comIt’s not too late to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (U.S.) by participating in one of their walking and/or biking events. MS walks start up again in September and October in different regions of the country. You can walk as an individual or as part of a team, and you can also volunteer at the events. Check out this link to see if any are in your area: Walk MS itinerary.

Bike MS, another fundraiser, is for bicyclists who are complete novices as well as Lance Armstrong types, and everyone in between. There are easy, moderately difficult, and challenging courses. Again, you can bike as part of a team (many companies do this) or individually. You can also volunteer and encourage/provide snacks for the bicyclists at different stop points.

For both fundraisers, you can have people sponsor you, or just donate individually the day of the event. The choice is up to you. I’ve volunteered at both outings and they are very upbeat and inspiring. It’s great to see so many people out raising money for multiple sclerosis.

An MS Attack on the Same Leg

In the year 2000, I suffered a definite new attack in the summer as I was finishing ultrasound school and starting my clinical experience. My left leg again became tingly, somewhat numb, and weak, but this time it extended from my toes all the way up to my hip. At times I felt like I had a lead leg! This went on intermittently for about a month, and I didn’t reveal this information to anyone but my close family members, who also thought it had to do with having had Lyme disease. I had no specific primary doctor at the time, since I believed myself to be relatively well, and my mind went back to the last general practitioner I saw who did no further investigation after the negative EMG (nerve) test. I went on with my ultrasound clinical experience as my left leg eventually returned to “normal.”

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